The 6 types of skier you’ll meet at uni

Believe it or not there’s more to university life than sitting around in your pants all day. Other major activities include drinking red stripe and spending most of your time at club nights with names like ‘vodbull’ and ‘seedy sonics’ in an endless attempt to bump uglies with someone of the opposite sex.

There’s also things called ‘lectures’ and believe it or not, university is actually a great place to get in loads of shred time. Admittedly there’s not as much powder in most university towns, but most universities have snowsports clubs who go out on the piste regularly. They also organise epic holidays and go riding at various snowdomes and dryslopes a few times a week (ba-dum-tisch!). In addition there’s a calendar of national events organised by BUSC which feature top class riding and even better parties.

Basically if you snowboard and you’re going to/at uni you’d be mad not to get involved. There’s guaranteed to be a few snowboarders to get along with, however you will probably have to spend a fair bit of time with lots of skiers. I know, it sounds weird, but some of them are actually ok. They are an odd bunch so I’ve prepared a handy guide so you can recognise them and prepare yourself to make some new friends.

The Ski Racer

Skiing since birth, the ski racer is all about sharp edges and going fast. They’ll constantly make jokes about how you are soooooo slow and how you sit down all the time. This is fine, you can just laugh at them when they’ve lost their skis in the powder and you’re lapping them for the umpteenth time.

Most likely to: Lend you their wax / tell you about that time they met Graham Bell

Do say: ‘Can you tow me along that flat spot? ’

Don’t say: ‘You look fat in that cat suit’

 

The JW Seasonaire

With more money than sense, the JW seasonaire has never done a season but has been skiing with daddy since they were six years old. Their natural habitat is La Folie Douce and they will always wear sunglasses even if it’s minus 20 and whiteout on the mountain. If you can get over them talking about their gap yah then you might just be able to wangle a beer or two from them at après.

 

Most likely to: Blag you into the VIP area at La Folie Douce / let you spend a week in their dad’s chalet

Do say: ‘I think polo is a great sport. Can we visit your dad’s chalet sometime?’

Don’t say: ‘You look like a bit of horse box wanker in that Abercrombie hoodie’

 

The Punter

Clad in a one-piece from the nighties, the punter will be wearing a jester hat and riding a pair of snowblades. They like to congregate on the knuckles of any jump in the park and will often need rescuing if you come across any whilst riding powder.

Most likely to: Snowblade / get in your way in the park

Do say: ‘get off the fucking knuckle!’

Don’t say: ‘that jester hat looks great!’

 

The Freeski Gangster

You’ll end up spending a lot of time with the freeski gangster, they hang out in the park and are easily recognisable by their extremely long torso and tiny, miniature legs. They dress like JP Walker used to in the late 90’s but they have good music taste and will let you have a toke on their bifta whilst riding the chair lift.

Most likely to: talk like Snoop Dogg

Do say: ‘Is that the new Kendrick tune playing through your skullcandy’s?’

Don’t say: ‘that T shirt is too big for you’

 

The Pisshead

Like a snowsports version of Father Jack Hackett from Father Ted, the pisshead will often be heard shouting ‘drink!’, ‘feck!’, ‘girls!’ and will be seen chinning pints and trying to drunkenly chat up freshers. They are a great source of entertainment and will forever be remembered for that time they shat in the urinal in that bar in Les Arcs.

 

Most likely to: throw up on the slope

Do say: ‘get the beers in!’

Don’t say: ‘I think you’ve had enough’

 

The Groupies

Some people don’t actually ski or snowboard but will come to lots of snowsports events. These people are great, they’re amazed by the fact you can do a backflip and won’t bore you with stories of how they managed to shave .4 seconds off of their slalom course personal best like the Ski Racer will.

 

Most likely to: have sex with you

Do say: ‘what are you doing later tonight?’

Don’t say: ‘Do you think Jed Anderson or Louif Paradis had the best part in Shoot the Moon?’

Did we miss any types of skier out? Do any skiers want to write a response piece about types of snowboarder? If so let us know in the comments or on Facebook.

Photos by the lovely people of Facebook. Words by Romburto Curluso, former intern at the Uzbekistan Institute of Snowboard Listicles.

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