The Olympics is more than just competitions between the world’s best athletes. It’s a multi-million dollar hyper-capitalist festival of fun.
During the Winter Olympics the long term sponsors of individual athletes have to pretend they don’t exist whilst the likes of McDonalds and Coca-Cola plough millions into making sure that everyone’s Mcloving it and coked up. As well as these massive multinationals jumping on the snowsports bandwagon in order to flog more burgers to fat kids across the globe, it’s also a prime opportunity for the people who run the Olympics to sell loads of tat.
We went down to the official Sochi 2014 car boot sale and found these gems…
Pink Ring Sochi 2014
Russia might not be a fan of homosexuality, but they’ve made sure that everyone can pay to have a bit of fun with a pink ring during Sochi. As the blurb says ‘Keep pace with the latest fashion trends and feel the unforgettable atmosphere of the Olympic Winter Games of 2014 in Sochi’ by putting your finger in a pink ring. Go on, give it a go!
If you don’t want to put your fingers in a pink ring, maybe you can show your support for gay pride with these rainbow gloves.
Sochi 2014 Dogs Baseball Cap
Is your dog being a dick? Why not punish it by making it wear this garish pink baseball cap? Apparently ‘your dog will always look fine next to you in a baseball cap with Marks of the Olympic Winter Games 2014. It will give your pet a sporty look’, whilst also making it, and you, look absolutely bat shit crazy. HOW IS THIS A THING?
Sportswear for Dogs
You can also dress your dog in sportswear. Sportswear. For a dog. DAFUQ is going on guys?! It even comes with pockets. Pockets. On a tracksuit. For a dog. Let me repeat that; pockets. On a tracksuit. For a dog.
24 Piece Sochi 2014 Cutlery Set with Gold-Look Coating
Nothing says ‘Winter Olympics’ like a 24 piece cutlery set with gold-look coating. Yours for just under 100 pounds!
Sochi 2014 Khokhloma Jiggers
I had absolutely no idea that shot glasses were also called ‘jiggers’. Why did no one tell me this?! Here’s me drinking boring old shots all the time whilst everyone else is on the ‘jiggers’. Jiggers of jaeger, jiggers of vodka, double jiggers of tequila. Whatever your choice of poison, drink it from the official Sochi 2014 Khokhloma Jiggers which are ‘ideal for family celebrations’.
Jeez. I knew there was some dodgy dealings going on with the IOC but I didn’t know it was as blatant as this. You can literally buy medals on the Sochi website. Does someone what to tell Shaun White? It could save him a lot of effort…
Romberto Curluso; car boot correspondent for The Seasonaire.