Fashion: Shut The Fuck Up America

Doing this new fashion thing has highlighted a few issues within The Seasonaire team. None of us know shit all about fashion. Stamford is a massive Keith Lemon lookalike (much like myself) who wears ripped purple three quarter length shorts and pants with cartoons on, Kio is in IT so just wears IT shit and Rhys is like normal or whatever. I like to think I know a thing or two about stuff with clothes, but then I look at myself and realise I don’t.

As a result of this, extensive research has to go into to anything to do with fashion when it comes to us. Trawling the internet for some inspiration is the norm, hours whiling away as I watch Team GB get a gold in Dressage, possibly the shittest sport ever invented; but as I do I stumble on THIS.

I mean for fucks sake. What the bloody hell do America know about fashion? Why are winter sports dominated with their apparel? We are talking about a country that has as much a sense of fashion as it does global problems, sporting shitty chinos and over sized checked shirts accompanied with the whitest of white “sneakers” and a gold watch, lost in waves of fat that their bodies are made up of.

They are SO boring, the fashion is tiresome and I don’t know about you but I have had enough. To highlight the issue, and to show that even we have more of an idea of fashion than the Americans, here are a few items from some of your favourite American brands. Get ready to yawn.

“Have you ever done our organic Black Acid tee? Its modern fit and trippy logo screen will definitely blow your mind.” It won’t blow my mind Volcom, shut up. You’ve got to do better than this generic nonsense. I mean come on! “Youth Against Establishment”??? Whatever.

Seriously Burton, shut up. Is this best you can do? YAWN! Next.

OMG! Lib Tech WTF? Just shut up. These come extra big so you can puke up your guts inside them as you contemplate their hideousnesses.

DC, Dick Cap? I have no idea but whatever, release this at your peril DC, oh and shut up.

In conclusion then, something needs to be done. But by whom? The Europeans of course, they know style.



  1. Another Seasonaire

    I think the point is, you are not supposed to give a shit about fashion. “All the gear no idea” is about the worst thing you can be on the slopes.

    Personally, I rock, age 14 snowboard pants (Burton if you must know, yawn), A white (damn stupid colour for snowsports clothing) jacket I got free for helping out with Freeze festival and whatever else keeps me warm and dry. Hardly haute couture, but cheap and functional, leaving me more cash to spend on lift tickets and entertainment.

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